It's about half an year since I heard about the right terminology and found out that there's a name for my gender identity. The reaction was rather obvious: "YAYZ, I'm a girlfag!" I had been wondering before that why people don't recognize this identity because it's real and there are so many people around who are born inside a wrong body but are not going to go through the operation.
Okay, I identify as a girlfag, I get my kicks mostly from gay (male-on-male or male-on-male-on-male or... eh, I guess you got my pointXD) sex -I write Harry Potter fanfiction, rather unsurprisingly mostly NC-17-rated slash and writing slash helped me to find myself as a girlfag. I have been pretty confused -I'll ramble later moar about how I've felt before. I guess that one reason why my relationship history is from the Tenth Circle of Hell, is that I was not myself. I had to be a girl there and I'm not.
Most importantly, I feel like I am cursed inside this XX-chromosome body. I don't feel like a woman. Especially not a woman. Yep, I have so-called Peter Pan syndrome. During the times when I've felt more comfortable with my girly bits, I've felt that I'm a girl but never a woman. (The fact that I'm turning thirty this summer doesn't mean a thing. I'm lucky, I look younger than what I am.) I've had fun RPGing and live-acting grown-up men sometimes but to quote Pedobear: Too old.
Most of the time I'm a boy. To be more precise, about seventeen years old, mostly gay, androgynous boy. Jesus fucking Necrochrist, if I wear a dress, I feel like a drag-queen and I can indulge in my cross-dressing fetish by wearing girly underwear. Make-up doesn't affect me like that at all, but there's a very clear reason for that. I'm a goth and sssoooo many male goths wear make-up too that I don't consider make-up as a female thing.
There has been times when I've wanted two bodies; one male and one female. Or that you could wear different body parts. "Am I going to wear boobs today? Big or small ones? How about a penis? More importantly, how long cock I feel like wearing today? Should I put this cunt on too? Why not?" Anyway, the most important thing is -and has always been- that I want a cock.
I don't want to go through the sex change operation. I still couldn't produce semen and goddammit, I want to come all over someone's face! Besides, if they fuck up the operation, I could end up with an invalid mutant prick from Hell. I might end up being unable to get a hard-on. There is even the nightmare scenario where the operation would slaughter my nerve endings so that I would never get an orgasm again. And let it be known that I am quite fond of my orgasms.
Also, the hormone treatment would be pure horror. Hair? Why the fuck? I want to be a twink, not some kind of an epitome of manly manliness. Gods, I hate my body hair already and I'd remove everything except my hair (and maybe my eyebrows) with laser treatment if i had enouh money. Please, don't get me wrong: I don't mean to bash people who go for manliness, it's just not my thing. For each his/her own.
As you probably know, there are other ways to handle a female body problem. (Or a male body problem, of course, but I am now talking about myself.:P) Now when I come to think of it, I'm very curious about "artificial" means to handle the male body problem. So, if there happen to be guydykes around who go for props and imagination like I do, tell about how you make yourself female in body too. Pretty please?
Luckily I have very small tits (cup size AA), rather androgynous features and an overactive imagination. So, I just have to disguise my boobs, add a fake penis (that happens to look pretty realistic, yay for my cock!) and keep my firm decision that I don't give a flying fuck about what I'm "supposed" to be. That's pretty easy because I take great pleasure in behaving "weirdly" in public. I enjoy a good show-off but mostly it's just me being me.
Other than my gender, I don't have body issues. Bloody Hell, I can end up making out with my mirror image if I happen to feel especially smexy. Due to my fast metabolism and my amphetamine habit, I can eat anything I want to, as much as I want to, and I still stay rather thin. (152cm, 43kg, I guess.) I really like my face and my arse. I even think that my girly bits are beautiful but they should be a part of someone else's body, not mine. But if I was a boy... I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me real hard.
I also noticed something interesting (at least for me) BDSM-wise. I've never gotten any enjoyment from so-called "vanilla" sex -so I guess that I'm born with BDSM. I'm a switch but when I was stuck in being a female, I could only indulge in my sub side (okay, maybe not completely since I was always topping from the bottom:D) -but now when I identify myself as a male, I get both parts -dominating and submitting.
According to the community rules, this is not a nude pic playground but one picture behind a lj-cut should be okay. So, here I am, half-nude with my rubber cock, cosplaying Draco Malfoy.
luciusmistress took the picture. The awesome bed, the red snake and all the other beautiful things are her too -except meXD. I modified the pic with the shitty Photobucket editor because the only thing I've got on my laptop is fucking Paint.
As an arrogant bastard, I have to admit that I feel like I'm not the Slytherin Sex God for nothing. XD