Young gender fluid man finally admitting I AM LOOKING FOR A GIRLFAG!

Hello, I am a young man, 32 years old and I travel often for work in Europe, I am tall and good looking and I have a lot of diverse interests, especially in cultural fields.
The thing is, I recently discovered that I would like a very warm or even romantic relationship with a woman and precisely with a girlfag....I am open to everything.
I am little bit embarrassed right now but please contact me if you would like to share some thoughts, exchange a pic or whatever!

Some honest words

Originally posted by zaza_napoli at Some honest words
OK bitches, I feel like there is so much I want to say right now and it’s just going to all fall out, hopefully in some kind of organized way  I have taken to using the word "bitches" affectionately in case you’re wondering.

OK so the first thing that I must say, is that I cannot help feeling that most of the people who have given their gender the tiniest amount of thought seem to be ri.di.culously young and cool. Kind of alienating for people like me who still get so much inspiration from “Some Like it Hot” and “La Cage aux Folles” (the original films), which I am totally mad about. (what was your first clue lol)

I feel like people who think about their gender have too much time on their hands, hey I do too. Not trying to criticize “other people”. I am as guilty as anyone else of over-thinking my whole childhood and adolescence and looking for “clues”. And sometimes I think so deeply into my essence that I may not have a gender at all, I mean what is our gender when we are asleep? It’s one of those things, the harder you think the more it fades. You only see it clearly when you’re NOT concentrating on it.

Well anyway, now that I have found my own personal gender identity, I feel like I should just get on with my life. We can’t force anyone else to see us as we see ourselves unfortunately.
I am thinking maybe my gender identity “thing” is connected with female Asperger’s Syndrome which is completely different from male Asperger’s so don’t expect me to recite PI to 100 decimal places. I have read up about Asperger’s in women and so much seems to fit like a glove. Although nobody will believe that I have Asperger’s because I am so high-functioning. But look at the length of this rant about my gender!

I believe Asperger’s has made me feel like I have had to LEARN how to be “a girl” in a similar way to a drag queen. That is by far the neatest explanation I have found so far. And yet I have always, always known that I WANTED to be a girl (preferably a princess actually). In 2015 when I could be anything I want, even a genderless blob, even a trans guy, a neutrois anything – I WANT to be a girl. But I still don't feel like one in my core.

I embrace “drag queen” as my gender identity, not my profession. My life is really my performance, although any excuse to dress up is most welcome :) I personally do not feel that biological females can be “drag queens” although some try. For the simple reason that it is not drag. It’s a woman dressing extravagantly and putting on lots of make-up. That is fun, but it’s not drag unfortunately! A biological male drag queen can stand there in fish drag and lip sync. He doesn’t need to do anything wacky or original to be a drag queen, just the fact of being dressed in female clothing is enough. And there’s the difference.

Sometimes I feel that I am quite literally mentally a gay man, specifically an effeminate one. I have my masculine side too which leads people to see me as not so feminine. Because as I am female-bodied, I don’t always speak and act the way I am expected to. I have my more macho moments. I am not feminine I am effeminate. There is a subtle difference that I cannot explain. I really can’t. You’d have to meet me.

Not being seen as a queen /drag queen is something that I can deal with, because ultimately all I can do is BE. If I really am true to myself, then everyone will see the real me even if they don’t quite “get” my gender.

But what I can’t stand is being seen as what I am NOT. For one, I am not a lesbian, I happen to be biromantic and also bisexual enough to want to try it (which I have) but sexually speaking I know what I like, and it’s men. Thanks.

Also I am not a fag hag. I am a fag. I have had some female friends who were kind of like my fag hag, it was that kind of dynamic. Because I feel different somehow, in a way that I just cannot explain. When I am with a group of guys, I feel like I don’t fit in, but when I am with a group of girls I feel different too. But I feel like I get on better with girls. By the way, fag hag is not an insult in itself, I just find it is synonymous sometimes with a supremely irritating woman who thinks that she is ever so glamorous because she is friends with some gays *yawn*. And also being a complete bitch is not a gender. It is not a pre-requisite of any gender or sexuality to be unpleasant and judgemental and “throw shade” around whenever you get the chance. Grow up.

Also I do not have a fetish. Sometimes I feel like my fascination with drag queens and transsexual women could potentially be seen as offensive in the sense that people like to be seen as human beings and not objects of fascination. Also it must be said that I do not believe a drag queen and a transsexual woman is the same thing, of course not. The only thing that I see in common is the biological maleness and feminine appearance. Just before everyone hates me. I guarantee that most TG women probably don't know what I am talking about since they feel like women, and I don't :)

I sometimes feel more like a drag queen because I feel like fundamentally inside, I am quite masculine. I just don’t wish to LOOK masculine. I guess I am fascinated by what I physically can never be. I do not think that I am transsexual because it seems rather absurd to take lots of T just so that you can appear more like a drag queen and that is not something I would ever do. But sometimes I do wish that I already had a male body so that I could then become a woman rather than just being one to begin with. I think that if I had a male body I would not be particularly dysphoric, I am not sure. It’s a question I ask myself. I think my ideal body would be taller, male shaped and sized but with little body hair, and definitely.not.bald. If I took T, I would be a very, very short bald guy – which quite frankly I would not be very thrilled about. In fact there is NO WAY. Sorry. I am not that dysphoric as to do that to myself. In fact I am not sure I suffer too much from body dysphoria. I would be happy to be either, and I think I am MUCH better off in a female body.

Also, I am not just jumping on some kind of gender bandwagon to be one of the cool kids. Far from it – I have never in my life been a cool kid and never will be one. I am not a particularly alternative person, I am not loud or gregarious or extrovert, I am not just a femme or someone who wants to draw attention to themselves. It is really sad that every loud-mouthed bitch who happens to like glamorous clothes and make-up thinks that she is a “gay man trapped in a womans’ body”. Whatever. Have you ever looked in the mirror and seen that the more make-up you put on the more you look like a man? The sexier you try and look, the more you look like a man? Have you ever cried with sheer confusion? No well don’t talk to me bitch. Thanks.

Perhaps one of the reasons that I actually revel in femininity is that it actually makes me feel MORE masculine in a funny kind of way. Whereas if I try to look like a boy, I just end up looking like a lesbian and that is not what I want because why would I want people to think I am the exact opposite of what I am. I am not a gay woman, I am a gay man duh. I do not really like or get on with lesbians tbh. Sorry.

That was really honest. I really hope that nobody hates me as a result.

(no subject)

Just listening to this right now, and I think it's a very powerful song, applicable really to anyone anywhere, not just us weirdos LOL :D

I would totally love to be a drag queen. it is my profoundest wish. Of course I'm *already* one, but you see - nobody knows it!
I just pass as a woman far too well LOL.

Even though I cannot walk in heels, and often apply make-up rather badly and too generously. At 5ft1 nobody would ever think I was anything other than a real girl. Sad.

I have tried sometimes to access my masculine side, but this does not feel like me whatsoever. For one thing, I want to be PRETTY. I want, and have always wanted to wear heels, make-up, girly clothes etc. And yet, I am not a woman. I always have this feeling inside that I am really a drag queen. And yet, I would not take testosterone for a MILLION pounds. Well ok maybe one shot - for a million. That's a lot of money!

I do not think I am quite alone, which is why there are groups like this lol. I say lol too much.
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journey of a GuyDyke

I am a Guydyke really exited to share my story to the world .

It all started when i am 14 years old looking at all the girls in my school feeling depressed and hoping to become one some day . I never really cross dressed , all these years i just fantasize about being a girl and feminine stuff to get my self turned on .

I never been into guys and cant even make sex with my girlfriend with out fantasizing being a girl or taking the role of opposite sex .

Cross dressers , transsexuals , transgender none of these really suits my condition . There are days where i felt depressed and suicidal unable to understand what i truly am
miraculously i came across this concept of autogynephelia and girl fag - guy dykes thing and really amazed how girlfags and guydykes resonate with each other .

I like girls who are smart , independent and passionate . I like to be submissive and feel pretty by my partner . i am looking for a serious relationship hoping to get married to an awesome girlfag .

My personal experience

Hey everyone. I'd like to give my two cents on this whole identity conception myself.

I'm a male, first of all. Always have identified as such and haven't questioned it. That being said, I'm a bit feminine in my demeanor. I'm quite polite and never really liked sport, preferring to engage in more 'feminine' pursuits such as theater and literature when I was in my early teens. I study social science right now which I suppose could be construed as being slightly feminine (but not excessively so).

Now, I've always known I've liked girls. What are the kind of girls I'm attracted to? I don't like ditsy, stupid hyper-feminine girls. I found it irksome in my teens (I'm 20 now) to see how all my straight-male peers were attracted to this image of femininity that I could not find real attraction towards. I found female, heteronormative hyper-femininity unappealing.

But here's the thing - I still like girls! I like feminine girls who are a bit more laid-back and 'guyish'. Going further down this spectrum leads me to girls who are a bit 'dykey'. I have a special place in my heart for the tomboyish girl. I just love girls who are 'handsome'! I like girls who are smart and driven and their own person, rather than being some nonentity.

Sometimes, I like the idea of being the active, dominant partner. But sometimes I just wanna cast all that off and be seen as passive and pretty by my female partner when in a submissive kind of mood. I'd love to have a partner who would understand this and be the same.

As for whether I like guys, well I kinda do. But I find women much more fulfilling. I've gotten with men (as in, older, masculine men) and regretted it and didn't feel right, although it's nice to feel fawned over. I do definitely find an attraction in very effeminate boys, they have the potential to rival the beauty of female or androgynous women.

I don't know whether I'd call myself a 'guydyke', but I certainly meet many of the requirements. I'm sexually fluid with an interest in queer culture. I'm attracted to women - and I could see myself with either a more androgynous one or a more feminine one, it would just depend on their personality :)

Feel free to comment/message me on this. I think the growth of these new labels is an exciting thing and would like to hear what others have to say.

Taking the plunge.

Like many others, I'm amazed to find this place, happy to know I'm not alone.

So, wow... I have never talked to anybody about this before.

I was never a girly girl. I had a guy best friend growing up. I have always liked soft guys.

Since I was a teenager, I have usually found typical women, well... annoying. Which I feel really bad about, because it sounds small-minded and mean. But typical women have always felt like a club to which I will never belong.

I just... I just want so bad to be close to a guy who wants to feel pretty.
junjou romantica

Book Recommendation: Boys' Love Manga (even includes girlfags and guydykes in the last essay!)

I just finished reading Boys' Love Manga: Essays on the Sexual Ambiguity and Cross-Cultural Fandom of the Genre (it's available to buy digitally and physically on Amazon; one can find out if itis in a nearby library on Worldcat). It has been awhile since I've read / looked at yaoi, but the title and the academic bent caught my eye, so I gave this one a go. If you can get past the over-the-top scholarly language of a few of the essays in the book ("Lacan"-this, "topos"-that), there is much material of interest to girlfags and those with similar identities, whether you are familiar with boys' love (BL) / shounen-ai / yaoi manga or not. Fan and author accounts of interest and creativity collide with academic theory here, and not always neatly (which is part of the fun). Many of the authors in the book easily see the queering of otherwise seen as straight women's sexuality and gender expression that is facilitated through reading and creating yaoi and related inspired works, and Western slash fanfiction is a not infrequent point of comparison.

The last essay even mentions girlfags and guydykes specifically: 'Hidden in Straight Sight: Trans*gressing Gender and Sexuality via BL' by Uli Meyer. Girlfags and transgender men who are gay (also known here as transfags) are seen as on a kind of continuum where the difference is one of degree (from simultaneous identification as a girl and as/with gay men to no identification to being wholly identified as a gay man, even seeking transition). I know of a girlfag or two, and a transman or two, who would have a bone to pick with this description for various reasons, but it may be helpful as a means of self-definition / understanding for those of us who first identified as girlfags, and then decided that genderqueer, transgender, FTM, or other terms were more appropriate instead of or in addition to girlfag (or vice versa). Meyer speaks of the importance in community-forming amongst gender and sexual minorities (the GirlFags Yahoo group is mentioned here). Later in the essay, guydykes and transdykes are mentioned in a passage about cosplaying and lesbian identification. Much of the essay is devoted to articulating the way that queer gender and sexuality possibilities are explored through yaoi and the fandom activities that derive from it.

There is a good review here that discusses some of the issues with this book: However, there are a lot of great talking points in here and much to relate to, so for anyone who has been interested in male/male pairings in media (the book even discusses lesbian identification in and interest of the format, which I was pleased and surprised about) and who has explored their sexuality through it, I would really recommend taking a look.
junjou romantica

Ladybear/girlbear and ladytwink/girltwink?

These words just popped into my head, although I'm sure someone out there has used them already. I don't identify as a girl in addition to gay male anymore (just gay male + genderqueer for me), but these terms are certainly up for grabs for anyone who feels "ah! that's me!," for how you see yourself and/or who you're attracted to. I'd love to hear others that are similar. :)