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|Thursday, February 26th, 2015|
Some honest words
Originally posted by zaza_napoli
at Some honest words
OK bitches, I feel like there is so much I want to say right now and it’s just going to all fall out, hopefully in some kind of organized way I have taken to using the word "bitches" affectionately in case you’re wondering.
OK so the first thing that I must say, is that I cannot help feeling that most of the people who have given their gender the tiniest amount of thought seem to be ri.di.culously young and cool. Kind of alienating for people like me who still get so much inspiration from “Some Like it Hot” and “La Cage aux Folles” (the original films), which I am totally mad about. (what was your first clue lol)
I feel like people who think about their gender have too much time on their hands, hey I do too. Not trying to criticize “other people”. I am as guilty as anyone else of over-thinking my whole childhood and adolescence and looking for “clues”. And sometimes I think so deeply into my essence that I may not have a gender at all, I mean what is our gender when we are asleep? It’s one of those things, the harder you think the more it fades. You only see it clearly when you’re NOT concentrating on it.
Well anyway, now that I have found my own personal gender identity, I feel like I should just get on with my life. We can’t force anyone else to see us as we see ourselves unfortunately.
I am thinking maybe my gender identity “thing” is connected with female Asperger’s Syndrome which is completely different from male Asperger’s so don’t expect me to recite PI to 100 decimal places. I have read up about Asperger’s in women and so much seems to fit like a glove. Although nobody will believe that I have Asperger’s because I am so high-functioning. But look at the length of this rant about my gender!
I believe Asperger’s has made me feel like I have had to LEARN how to be “a girl” in a similar way to a drag queen. That is by far the neatest explanation I have found so far. And yet I have always, always known that I WANTED to be a girl (preferably a princess actually). In 2015 when I could be anything I want, even a genderless blob, even a trans guy, a neutrois anything – I WANT to be a girl. But I still don't feel like one in my core.
I embrace “drag queen” as my gender identity, not my profession. My life is really my performance, although any excuse to dress up is most welcome :) I personally do not feel that biological females can be “drag queens” although some try. For the simple reason that it is not drag. It’s a woman dressing extravagantly and putting on lots of make-up. That is fun, but it’s not drag unfortunately! A biological male drag queen can stand there in fish drag and lip sync. He doesn’t need to do anything wacky or original to be a drag queen, just the fact of being dressed in female clothing is enough. And there’s the difference.
Sometimes I feel that I am quite literally mentally a gay man, specifically an effeminate one. I have my masculine side too which leads people to see me as not so feminine. Because as I am female-bodied, I don’t always speak and act the way I am expected to. I have my more macho moments. I am not feminine I am effeminate. There is a subtle difference that I cannot explain. I really can’t. You’d have to meet me.
Not being seen as a queen /drag queen is something that I can deal with, because ultimately all I can do is BE. If I really am true to myself, then everyone will see the real me even if they don’t quite “get” my gender.
But what I can’t stand is being seen as what I am NOT. For one, I am not a lesbian, I happen to be biromantic and also bisexual enough to want to try it (which I have) but sexually speaking I know what I like, and it’s men. Thanks.
Also I am not a fag hag. I am a fag. I have had some female friends who were kind of like my fag hag, it was that kind of dynamic. Because I feel different somehow, in a way that I just cannot explain. When I am with a group of guys, I feel like I don’t fit in, but when I am with a group of girls I feel different too. But I feel like I get on better with girls. By the way, fag hag is not an insult in itself, I just find it is synonymous sometimes with a supremely irritating woman who thinks that she is ever so glamorous because she is friends with some gays *yawn*. And also being a complete bitch is not a gender. It is not a pre-requisite of any gender or sexuality to be unpleasant and judgemental and “throw shade” around whenever you get the chance. Grow up.
Also I do not have a fetish. Sometimes I feel like my fascination with drag queens and transsexual women could potentially be seen as offensive in the sense that people like to be seen as human beings and not objects of fascination. Also it must be said that I do not believe a drag queen and a transsexual woman is the same thing, of course not. The only thing that I see in common is the biological maleness and feminine appearance. Just before everyone hates me. I guarantee that most TG women probably don't know what I am talking about since they feel like women, and I don't :)
I sometimes feel more like a drag queen because I feel like fundamentally inside, I am quite masculine. I just don’t wish to LOOK masculine. I guess I am fascinated by what I physically can never be. I do not think that I am transsexual because it seems rather absurd to take lots of T just so that you can appear more like a drag queen and that is not something I would ever do. But sometimes I do wish that I already had a male body so that I could then become a woman rather than just being one to begin with. I think that if I had a male body I would not be particularly dysphoric, I am not sure. It’s a question I ask myself. I think my ideal body would be taller, male shaped and sized but with little body hair, and definitely.not.bald. If I took T, I would be a very, very short bald guy – which quite frankly I would not be very thrilled about. In fact there is NO WAY. Sorry. I am not that dysphoric as to do that to myself. In fact I am not sure I suffer too much from body dysphoria. I would be happy to be either, and I think I am MUCH better off in a female body.
Also, I am not just jumping on some kind of gender bandwagon to be one of the cool kids. Far from it – I have never in my life been a cool kid and never will be one. I am not a particularly alternative person, I am not loud or gregarious or extrovert, I am not just a femme or someone who wants to draw attention to themselves. It is really sad that every loud-mouthed bitch who happens to like glamorous clothes and make-up thinks that she is a “gay man trapped in a womans’ body”. Whatever. Have you ever looked in the mirror and seen that the more make-up you put on the more you look like a man? The sexier you try and look, the more you look like a man? Have you ever cried with sheer confusion? No well don’t talk to me bitch. Thanks.
Perhaps one of the reasons that I actually revel in femininity is that it actually makes me feel MORE masculine in a funny kind of way. Whereas if I try to look like a boy, I just end up looking like a lesbian and that is not what I want because why would I want people to think I am the exact opposite of what I am. I am not a gay woman, I am a gay man duh. I do not really like or get on with lesbians tbh. Sorry.
That was really honest. I really hope that nobody hates me as a result.
|Friday, February 13th, 2015|
Just listening to this right now, and I think it's a very powerful song, applicable really to anyone anywhere, not just us weirdos LOL :D
I would totally love to be a drag queen. it is my profoundest wish. Of course I'm *already* one, but you see - nobody knows it!
I just pass as a woman far too well LOL.
Even though I cannot walk in heels, and often apply make-up rather badly and too generously. At 5ft1 nobody would ever think I was anything other than a real girl. Sad.
I have tried sometimes to access my masculine side, but this does not feel like me whatsoever. For one thing, I want to be PRETTY. I want, and have always wanted to wear heels, make-up, girly clothes etc. And yet, I am not a woman. I always have this feeling inside that I am really a drag queen. And yet, I would not take testosterone for a MILLION pounds. Well ok maybe one shot - for a million. That's a lot of money!
I do not think I am quite alone, which is why there are groups like this lol. I say lol too much. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Saturday, May 31st, 2014|
journey of a GuyDyke
I am a Guydyke really exited to share my story to the world .
It all started when i am 14 years old looking at all the girls in my school feeling depressed and hoping to become one some day . I never really cross dressed , all these years i just fantasize about being a girl and feminine stuff to get my self turned on .
I never been into guys and cant even make sex with my girlfriend with out fantasizing being a girl or taking the role of opposite sex .
Cross dressers , transsexuals , transgender none of these really suits my condition . There are days where i felt depressed and suicidal unable to understand what i truly am
miraculously i came across this concept of autogynephelia and girl fag - guy dykes thing and really amazed how girlfags and guydykes resonate with each other .
I like girls who are smart , independent and passionate . I like to be submissive and feel pretty by my partner . i am looking for a serious relationship hoping to get married to an awesome girlfag .
|Saturday, April 5th, 2014|
Struggling with identity
Biologically I'm female, but I identify more as gender neutral. I think my dad wanted a son first so he treated me like a son. He would actually tell me "be a man". I would wear guys clothes growing up because I could get hand me downs from friends and would share clothes with my brother. I preferred spending time with boys instead of girls because honestly girls were boring to me. I'd rather play outside with the guys, climb trees, ride bikes, and play video games. I was the only girl they would let play with them because I was "cool" and other girls were annoying. I'd even have sleepovers with guys and we'd sleep in the same bed. *chuckles* At family friend get togethers if the kids were too young for me to play with I would like listening to the dads talking about science and technology and would always ask them questions. In high school I still preferred to spend time with my guy friends although I did have female friends. Often times I felt as if the guys treated me differently as if I was one of them. We'd playfully punch each other, put each other in headlocks, ruffle each other's hair, but I wouldn't see them doing that with other girls. They were more relaxed about me and would talk naturally with me. Even calling me by a guy version of my name.
I would find myself wishing that I was actually a guy and sometimes when I'd get confused for a guy I would feel happy. My chest is small, but I wish it was smaller. I usually wear sports bras, but I've thought about binding. I don't think I've ever do something like surgery though or hormone treatment. I'm sensitive to testosterone so I already have a deeper voice than most girls and more body hair although I shave because it feels cleaner. When I got to college I was devastated because it was an all women's college. The reason why I chose this college was because I was interested in the joint science program it had with other colleges, but even then there were few guys in my classes. I can only be around women for so long or else I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel awkward around women. Like I can't really be myself because they think it's strange if I do things like put my arm around their shoulder. Part of me I suppose wants to take care of them? If I notice they're cold I take off my jacket and give it to them even when I'm cold myself. I also just don't really understand them. I've never been good at interpreting emotions and picking up signals. I prefer when people are direct with me about how they feel and what they want.
Sexuality wise I would have to say I'm demisexual? I don't know. Personality seems to matter to me more and the more I become attracted to someone's personality the more I become attracted to them physically. For this reason gender doesn't really matter to me so I could swing either way although I prefer men. When I do get along with women, usually they're a bit more tomboyish like me. And those are the kinds of women I find myself being attracted to. I dated one for a year and a half before ending things because I still felt as if I couldn't really understand her and get along with her. She would also treat me like a guy and talk about how she wished I was actually a guy so that I could marry her, take care of her, and have kids with her. I think she was actually straight, but I confused her. When it comes to guys I'm attracted to straight/bi/gay guys as long as they aren't really feminine because then I feel as if I'm manlier.
I get a feeling at times that I'm a gay guy in a girl's body. I want to be a guy, but at the same time I want to date guys. A lot of girls are into Yaoi and boys love. They watch gay porn and ship Korean idols together often times because one is masculine and one is feminine. Yaoi's target audience is females and often times the ukes (bottoms) are usually drawn as smaller and weaker. As if they're no different from flat chested girls. There's always clearly a dom and a sub and the only time I do read Yaoi is when it's seme x seme (top x top). I ship Korean idols together as well such as Yunho and Changmin from TVXQ, but both are manly in appearance and personality compared to Yunho and Jaejoong. Even though Yunho and Changmin may only be friends, the deep bond they share between each other and the partnership and understanding they have is something that I would want in a relationship. The two are balanced. They are equals. Which ends up frustrating people because they can't pinpoint one of them as submissive or bottoming, but I like the concept of switch.
So um.. I'm not sure where else to go with this. It's my first time finding a community like this and I suppose I just felt compelled to share how I feel. Maybe there are other people like me?
|Wednesday, February 5th, 2014|
My personal experience
Hey everyone. I'd like to give my two cents on this whole identity conception myself.
I'm a male, first of all. Always have identified as such and haven't questioned it. That being said, I'm a bit feminine in my demeanor. I'm quite polite and never really liked sport, preferring to engage in more 'feminine' pursuits such as theater and literature when I was in my early teens. I study social science right now which I suppose could be construed as being slightly feminine (but not excessively so).
Now, I've always known I've liked girls. What are the kind of girls I'm attracted to? I don't like ditsy, stupid hyper-feminine girls. I found it irksome in my teens (I'm 20 now) to see how all my straight-male peers were attracted to this image of femininity that I could not find real attraction towards. I found female, heteronormative hyper-femininity unappealing.
But here's the thing - I still like girls! I like feminine girls who are a bit more laid-back and 'guyish'. Going further down this spectrum leads me to girls who are a bit 'dykey'. I have a special place in my heart for the tomboyish girl. I just love girls who are 'handsome'! I like girls who are smart and driven and their own person, rather than being some nonentity.
Sometimes, I like the idea of being the active, dominant partner. But sometimes I just wanna cast all that off and be seen as passive and pretty by my female partner when in a submissive kind of mood. I'd love to have a partner who would understand this and be the same.
As for whether I like guys, well I kinda do. But I find women much more fulfilling. I've gotten with men (as in, older, masculine men) and regretted it and didn't feel right, although it's nice to feel fawned over. I do definitely find an attraction in very effeminate boys, they have the potential to rival the beauty of female or androgynous women.
I don't know whether I'd call myself a 'guydyke', but I certainly meet many of the requirements. I'm sexually fluid with an interest in queer culture. I'm attracted to women - and I could see myself with either a more androgynous one or a more feminine one, it would just depend on their personality :)
Feel free to comment/message me on this. I think the growth of these new labels is an exciting thing and would like to hear what others have to say.
|Tuesday, December 17th, 2013|
Hello again :)
Haven't been on here for a looong while and just came back to being more active about the girlfag/guydyke-issue recently :)
I decided to put my collection of essays and articles and other stuff online again. So maybe some of you want to have a look
I would be happy about comments, ideas, corrections (also if you find language mistakes... I try to provide as much information in english as possible).
Hope you have a wonderful time.
|Saturday, November 23rd, 2013|
Taking the plunge.
Like many others, I'm amazed to find this place, happy to know I'm not alone.
So, wow... I have never talked to anybody about this before.
I was never a girly girl. I had a guy best friend growing up. I have always liked soft guys.
Since I was a teenager, I have usually found typical women, well... annoying. Which I feel really bad about, because it sounds small-minded and mean. But typical women have always felt like a club to which I will never belong.
I just... I just want so bad to be close to a guy who wants to feel pretty.
|Wednesday, August 7th, 2013|
Book Recommendation: Boys' Love Manga (even includes girlfags and guydykes in the last essay!)
I just finished reading Boys' Love Manga: Essays on the Sexual Ambiguity and Cross-Cultural Fandom of the Genre (it's available to buy digitally and physically on Amazon
; one can find out if itis in a nearby library on Worldcat). It has been awhile since I've read / looked at yaoi, but the title and the academic bent caught my eye, so I gave this one a go. If you can get past the over-the-top scholarly language of a few of the essays in the book ("Lacan"-this, "topos"-that), there is much material of interest to girlfags and those with similar identities, whether you are familiar with boys' love (BL) / shounen-ai / yaoi manga or not. Fan and author accounts of interest and creativity collide with academic theory here, and not always neatly (which is part of the fun). Many of the authors in the book easily see the queering of otherwise seen as straight women's sexuality and gender expression that is facilitated through reading and creating yaoi and related inspired works, and Western slash fanfiction is a not infrequent point of comparison.
The last essay even mentions girlfags and guydykes specifically: 'Hidden in Straight Sight: Trans*gressing Gender and Sexuality via BL' by Uli Meyer. Girlfags and transgender men who are gay (also known here as transfags) are seen as on a kind of continuum where the difference is one of degree (from simultaneous identification as a girl and as/with gay men to no identification to being wholly identified as a gay man, even seeking transition). I know of a girlfag or two, and a transman or two, who would have a bone to pick with this description for various reasons, but it may be helpful as a means of self-definition / understanding for those of us who first identified as girlfags, and then decided that genderqueer, transgender, FTM, or other terms were more appropriate instead of or in addition to girlfag (or vice versa). Meyer speaks of the importance in community-forming amongst gender and sexual minorities (the GirlFags Yahoo group is mentioned here). Later in the essay, guydykes and transdykes are mentioned in a passage about cosplaying and lesbian identification. Much of the essay is devoted to articulating the way that queer gender and sexuality possibilities are explored through yaoi and the fandom activities that derive from it.
There is a good review here that discusses some of the issues with this book: http://classic.tcj.com/manga/bl-roundtable-do-we-really-need-to-spill-this-much-ink-over-the-question-of-whether-girls-like-porn/
However, there are a lot of great talking points in here and much to relate to, so for anyone who has been interested in male/male pairings in media (the book even discusses lesbian identification in and interest of the format, which I was pleased and surprised about) and who has explored their sexuality through it, I would really recommend taking a look.
|Friday, January 25th, 2013|
Ladybear/girlbear and ladytwink/girltwink?
These words just popped into my head, although I'm sure someone out there has used them already. I don't identify as a girl in addition to gay male anymore (just gay male + genderqueer for me), but these terms are certainly up for grabs for anyone who feels "ah! that's me!," for how you see yourself and/or who you're attracted to. I'd love to hear others that are similar. :)
|Wednesday, November 14th, 2012|
So somebody on youtube posted that this song was the ultimate girlfag anthem. I wouldn't say that that is exactly true, but I thought you guys might like it.
Here it is, enjoy! :)
|Tuesday, October 30th, 2012|
I just seriously found out that there was a term for this while watching the L word, I though I was just weird. This is kind of amazing really to find this community now I know that I'm not weird just a little rare.
|Tuesday, August 21st, 2012|
Wow. I'm 18 years old, been like this since I was in middle school (the seventh grade to be exact) and I just found out that people have come up with a name for girls like me. I always figured there were a few girls somewhere, hidden in the little crevices of the world, that liked this sort of thing but I never thought I would hear about it. I guess it was just my way of making myself feel normal while being different from the majority of my society. I watch yaoi, gay porn, and even somehow explain my addictions in doing so to the two boyfriends that I have gotten in high school. They accepted me as I was and even understand my feelings towards gay males when I see them. Making comments such as "oh look at those guys. They're cute, huh? I like the tall one" in a shy/awkward way just so that I can feel accepted and not so weird. It's become a part of me and I've found that through the yaoi community there are many other girls who understand my attraction to animated gay relationships. They just don't transfer over to real men like I do. Actually seeing this community made me so excited and I have now joined live journal because of it. Thank you to all you wonderful girls for banning together and helping create a place where others like us can feel like they are not alone.
|Wednesday, July 18th, 2012|
Advice for a discouraged Girlfag?
So, I'm a 20 year old female and my entire life I just felt like something was off. My first relationship was with just about the nicest guy ever. We dated for three years, but it still felt like something was missing. As I time passed, I found myself constantly falling for gay and bi guys. I never wanted to admit that it was me though. My family is very religious and I was always afraid that they wouldn't take it well, so I just tried to ignore it and push my feelings aside. I finally met this great guy and everything was going amazing. I honestly thought he was "The One", if there is such a thing. And about three months into the relationship he tells me he thinks he's gay and he can't be with me. Honestly when he told me he was gay I responded "me too" xD Is that not the most frustrating thing ever? Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? I'm really struggling with feeling like no one will ever be able to return my affections. It seems like everyone I fall for isn't interested in my outsides. Any advice or support? Current Mood: cranky
|Monday, July 9th, 2012|
Male interested in girlfags
Here's hoping this spot is still active!
I've been looking in from the outside for some time, I'm a 22 year old "pro girlfag" male. I love men yet at the same time I'm sold 100% on the ideas of girlfags, MMF, M/M exhibitionism and autoandrophilia; for me it's all really intruiging and super hot to think about, I would definitely call the gay exhibitionism part and the idea of a "gay male" romance with a girlfag my favorite fantasies. Perhaps it's time to start making this reality, if not to start some chats about it here at least!
|Tuesday, May 1st, 2012|
|Friday, March 9th, 2012|
Girlfags & boobs
So .. girlfags and boobs. Hm. What is your relationship with these spare bits of flesh?
I quite like them in a good bra - to have a feminine-looking cleavage and it's all natural. No hormones required.
But sometimes I think of them almost like "moobs", so I'm "male" and have taken loads of hormones and therefore have great boobs.
I feel like I'm a MfF transsexual but without all the effort that that usually requires. I pass perfectly as a woman.
But will never be one.
I'm very conscious that I am a poof. I like that - I would like to reclaim that word, if I may. I talk, move, walk like a gay male. Actually I walk and move like a man. I always have. Even though I am not butch. Not in any way shape or form. That is what I can't get my head around. Apart from I swear a lot and like to be one of the guys sometimes. So ok, maybe a little. "Normal" girls often see me as quite butch anyway.
I'm so jealous of gay men that they get to be gay men. I like to watch films and read books with homoerotic/homosexual themes. But it is always accompanied by sadness. Sadness that I have to apply imagination and mental effort to be able to live that as me.
So that's what I got from my boobs and thinking about what they mean to me, which is often nothing really. I don't have much feeling in them and I'm often quite bemused that they are there. They're nice to squeeze. But I'm glad they're small. Very fucking glad actually. So that's me and my boobs. yay. :) Current Mood: thoughtful
|Saturday, February 18th, 2012|
New to the girlfag community
Hello all! I've been struggling with my sexuality/gender for several years now and was recommended to the girlfag community by a friend to help me find my answers.
I am 20 years old, a student in an American university studying mathematics, and intern at Merrill Lynch.
Growing up, there was always something different about me. My earliest memories are dressing up in my sister's clothes and in kindergarten, I would daydream about turning into a girl. As a teen, instead of sexually fantasizing about females, I would fantasize about transforming into a girl. I began to experiment with crossdressing and I loved it. I never developed the normal sexual feelings towards women, although I will say that I am attracted to women more so than men. Instead, when I see a pretty girl I want to be her instead of have sex with her.
It's been a very hard life because my sexuality is in such conflict and incongruence with my otherwise male identity. I am successful, educated, handsome, and athletic, yet at the same time, I have the internal desire to be female.
I would love to meet a female who could accommodate my unique gender and sexual needs. I am extremely open minded and accepting of anyone else's unique circumstances and desires as well.
I want to meet more guydykes and girlfags so please feel free to contact me on livejournal or at firstname.lastname@example.org and I'd be happy to share my pictures and more information about myself.
|Thursday, February 16th, 2012|
|Wednesday, February 15th, 2012|
New cover and two weeks to go!
To my friends, family, colleagues and supporters:
With just two weeks to go, we’re past halfway in our fund-raising project for Girlfag: A Life Told In Sex and Musicals... but we’re going to need a big last-minute push to take us over our goal amount of $7500.
Fortunately, we now have a great new tool to help with this project – an absolutely gorgeous cover by my longtime collaborator John Brenner of Johnny Ink, which you can see here. Hope you like it!
However, new donations have slowed down in the last week, and if we don’t get a kick of new people in the next couple of weeks we may miss our $7500 goal. Now, don’t get me wrong – I am going to publish this book anyway, somehow. But in order to do it justice – to back it with the marketing, PR and merchandising it needs to reach its intended audience of people who don’t feel comfortable with traditional categories of gender and orientation – we need to raise that money.
So, please: If there’s any way you can help – by donating what you can spare, by telling friends who might be interested, by posting our link (www.facebook.com/groups/266988160014719/
) to your Facebook page, or anything else you can think of – now’s the time to do it!
And, as if you needed any more incentive... if you refer a friend who donates at least $50, you’ll qualify for a free Girlfag patch. Just ask your friend to drop me a note along with their donation so I know who’s responsible.
So stop by now to the Kickstarter page at www.kickstarter.com/projects/janetwhardy/g
irlfag-a-life-told-in-sex-and-musicals . You’ll find everything you need – a complete description, some excerpts, and a nice big picture of the cover – plus a wide range of awesome incentives to loosen the strings on your wallet. Plus, of course, the knowledge that you’ve helped bring important new information into the world of sexuality and relationships (and, of course, musical theater)!
Thanks to you all,
Janet W. Hardy
|Sunday, February 12th, 2012|